The Ultimate Technique! Saitama Vs Tatsumaki!
by Mattricole
Summary: Despite her best efforts, Tatsumaki just can't damage Saitama. At this rate only one technique will be able to bring him down, but will she be willing to use it?
1. Chapter 1

Blood and sweat poured down Tatsumaki's face, her breathing was ragged as she glared at her opponent. The newly christened A-class, known only to her as Caped Baldy, stared at her passively.

"I-I can't believe it…" she overheard her little sister mumble. "He's actually winning."

A deep, well, as deep a growl as Tatsumaki could muster, resounded from her throat. How could she, Senritsu no Tatsumaki, S-class rank 2, be losing to some A-class?! It was unheard of! And even worse, he still looked at her with that same passive, slightly idiotic look! As if he didn't see her as a challenge, as an equal.

"Are you done yet?" he called out, bringing her out of her anger induced musings. "There's a sale that starts in an hour, and I don't wanna miss it."

"A-a sale?!" she yelled out in indignation. How could a sale be more important than their fight?! And wasn't this bald bastard supposed to be fighting for her sister?! Why is he thinking of a sale instead of her?

"Oh. Did you want to go too?" he asked, mistaking her anger for excitement. "If we go together, we could get more stuff," he mused, a small smile forming as he thought of all the delicious veggies he could get with Tatsumaki's help. Plus kids get free fruits on sunday's, so if he could get her to play along for just a little bit, they could come out with a great load. Just thinking about it got his blood boiling in excitement.

"Not interested, baldy!"

"Aw," Saitama sighed in disappointment, before being engulfed in Tatsumaki's telekinetic grasp, who was using all of her strength in a futile attempt to crush all of his bones. "...This is better than a massage, now that I think about it," Saitama said as he allowed the telekinesis to run throughout his body. "It's as if my body is floating down a gentle river, so very peaceful."

"Why?! Why won't my powers break you, dammit?!" Tatsumaki whined, ceasing her attack.

"Ah, does that mean you're done?"

"No. Never," Tatsumaki muttered, realizing she had only one technique left. A technique so dangerous she swore never to use it. "I admit, I'd rather not use this technique, but against you I have no choice."

"W-what?!" Fubuki gasped in shock. "A technique even my monster of a sister finds too brutal? What kind of move is it?"

"Prepare yourself, Caped Baldy! Not even you will be able to resist this technique." With that said, Tatsumaki cast her gaze down, her breathing slowing to a crawl.

"Eh? What kind of technique is this?" Saitama muttered, allowing his hope for a good fight get the better of him, clenching his fist in preparation for whatever attack the midget was preparing. But it was all for nought, as nothing could prepare him for what he was about to face.

Letting out one final breath, Tatsumaki slowly raised her head, and to both Fubuki and Saitama's surprise, her eyes were sparkling with tears, as if she were an injured child.

"Ah, are you alright-"

"Onii-chan," she muttered, causing Saitama's heart to skip a beat.

"W-what did you just-"

"Onii-chan!" Tatsumaki squealed louder and more desperate than ever.

"Gah!" Saitama screamed, clutching his chest from the adorable display. "W-what is this feeling in my chest? As if...it were about to burst?" he asked himself, taking deep breaths in a futile attempt to regain his bearings.

"O-onii-chan!" Tatsumaki cried, tears running down her face as she stared at Saitama in despair.

"Gahh!" Saitama screamed as he coughed up blood, before falling down to one knee. His breathing was ragged as he tried to see past his blurry vision, much to Tatsumaki's satisfaction.

"Now that that's taken care of," Tatsumaki trailed off as she looked at her sister, who was looking at her in what Tatsumaki could only assume to be awe, "Sorry you had to see that, but I had little choice. Now come on, I'm taking you-"

"It's not over yet," Saitama said, once again standing on his two feet.

"W-what?! How?!" Tatsumaki screamed in shock. "How are you standing?! Just what in the world are you?!"

"I'm just a hero for fun," Saitama answered as he made his way towards her. "And I never lose!" he cried as he rushed at her at great speeds. "Super moves: serious series!" In an instant he was infront of her, his right arm poised above Tatsumaki's head.

"SERIOUS HEAD PAT!"

"What?!" she cried, her eyes struggling to stay open as drowsiness began setting in. "Y-you're using my imouto technique against me?" she realized. It was a brilliant move, one she could have never foresaw. "S-seems like...I can no longer hold back…" Tatsumaki grieved. She never intended to go this far, but she couldn't back off now.

Mustering up the last of her strength, she wrapped her arms around Saitama's waist, looking him directly in the eyes with her own, sparkling ones.

"I-I love you, Onii-chan…"

Saitama gasped, feeling as if his heart finally exploded. The head pats slowly ceased as Saitama fell over, passing out along with a now snoring Tatsumaki, who was unable to resist the temptations of the head pats. The two were now cuddled together, snoring softly under the bright, blue sky.

"...What the hell did I just watch?" a confused Fubuki muttered, before sighing. At least her crazy sister was out of commission for awhile. "Best to leave now before she wakes up," she muttered, taking out her flip phone and taking a quick photograph, a devious smirk now adorning her face.

This was the perfect blackmail.


	2. The Odd Date of Tatsumaki and Saitama

It was a day just like any other for Saitama. It was lunch time and Saitama had decided to eat a bento he bought the other day.

"Jiiiiiiiiiiiii."

While eating he decided to watch the disaster channel to see if there were any cases of monsters running about, after all he had nothing else to do that day.

"Jiiiiiiiiiiiii."

"I wonder when Genos will be back?" he asked, to no one in particular.

"Tonight. He's getting another upgrade."

"Ah, cool. Now I don't have to try to think of anything to teach him," Saitama said with a smile as he took a bite out of his salmon. "Today's so peaceful! Maybe I should go on a walk?"

"Jiiiiiiiiiiiii."

Saitama sighed as he turned to his unwanted guest. "Could you stop staring at me? It's getting creepy?"

"Not until I learn your secret," his guest replied, eyes unblinking as they continued to stare at him.

"I don't have a secret," Saitama said for what could possibly be the hundredth time that day. "Am I gonna have to call-"

"Don't lie to me?! I know there's something deep and mysterious about you and I'm gonna find out, baldy!"

"What'd you say, midget?!" Saitama yelled as he stood from the table.

"Who you calling 'midget', baldy?!" the apartment began shaking as the "midget" levitated above Saitama.

Saitama pinched the bridge of his nose, taking deep breaths. "Look, Tamasuki-"

"Tatsumaki! My name is Tat! Su! Ma! Ki! It's not that hard, baldy!"

"Don't yell at people for forgetting your name when you do the same, midget!"

"AAAAARRRRGH! YOU SAID IT! YOU SAID IT AGAIN!" Tatsumaki cried, the blood vessel on her head looking as if it were about to pop. "That's it! You've done it now! I'm going to-"

Due to wanting a teen rating, the next twelve paragraphs have been removed due to graphic language and gore.

"...Where are we?" Saitama asked as he looked around.

"Outskirts of B City... " Tatsumaki replied, unable to recall why she was so angry in the first place.

"Man, it's gonna take forever to get back," Saitama whined as he felt his stomach rumble. "Hey, do you know of any cheap food stands around here?"

"...There's a nice takoyaki stand somewhere around here."

"Ah, that sounds good!"

"Takoyaki does sound good right now, let's go," Tatsumaki ordered as she floated her way towards said takoyaki stand with Saitama not far behind.

* * *

"Ah, we didn't have that many customers today," Armored Gorilla noted as he looked at the empty booth. "It's usually busy at this time of day, and the kids love it here." After all, what child wouldn't go to a takoyaki stand with a gorilla as a chef?

"Well, there was a massive fight over the city, with several buildings collapsing due to it." Dr Genus replied, boiling himself a cup of tea.

"Ah, that's right," Armored Gorilla replied as he began cleaning off the cooking equipment. "It's a wonder nobody got hurt."

"What do you say about closing early? No idiot would come to a takoyaki stand after something as frightening as-"

"Two rounds, please."

Dr Genus paused, annoyed at being proven wrong. "Of course, sir. Is there any specific way you want..." Dr Genus trailed off, his eyes widening as he finally saw the new customer.

"Just the usual," Tatsumaki said as she followed through. "And I swear if your stupid gorilla asks if I need a booster seat, I'm going to-"

"Saitama!" Dr Genus greeted with a smile. "It's so good to see you again! How have you been?"

"Uh, good?" Saitama replied, surprised the takoyaki stand owner knew him. Could it be he was finally being recognized for his achievements? Or was this someone he once saved before? The man and the gorilla did look familiar, but for the life of him he just couldn't remember.

"Ah, I see. It's good to hear-"

"I-I was ignored," Tatsumaki seethed, ignoring the two men's conversations. "Who the hell does this guy think he is?"

"Ara, sorry about that," Armored Gorilla said with a bow. "I'll get started on your meal right away. You'll be having milk, and your friend will be having?" he asked with pen and paper in hand.

"...Hot sauce. He'll have hot sauce for his drink," Tatsumaki replied, her voice as innocent as an angels, but her smile as devious as a devil. It almost unnerved Armored Gorilla, how she was able to make hot sauce sound as if it were a deadly poison.

'I-I better make sure not to ignore her,' he thought wisely. "Very well, I'll get started immediately."

"Thank you," Tatsumaki said, resisting the urge to chuckle. She turned to Saitama, who sat with a confused face as he continued to speak with the takoyaki stand owner. Sure, it was technically the owner who had interrupted her, and therefore incurring her wrath, but if she were to get revenge on him, she'll never be able to come here again without fear of having spit in her food. And so Saitama had to suffer for another man's foolishness.

'Then again, he did call me midget earlier,' she recalled, clenching the table so tightly it cracked beneath her fingers. Oh, he would pay for his transgressions.

"Ah, by the way," Saitama said as he turned towards her. "I feel bad about earlier, so I'll make this my treat, okay?"

"O-oh, okay," Tatsumaki nodded, a terrible feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach. 'How could I? He's paying for our meal and I ordered him hot sauce for his drink?!' Sweat began pouring down her face as Saitama continued talking to her, but she ignored it. 'Quick! I have to change the order without him noticing!'

"Oh, are you okay?" Saitama asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. "If you're not feeling well, we can go."

"I-I'm fine. Just really hungry," she replied with a fake smile. 'Quick, I have to distract him!' she furiously thought of a way to distract him, but how? How could she possibly...

She resisted the urge to smack herself, levitating a nearby rock and having it smack into the back of Saitama's head.

"Who did that?!" Saitama yelled angrilly as he turned around. Sure, it didn't hurt, but that was awfully rude!

'Now quick! I have to-' Tatsumaki paused, a vicious smirk reappearing upon her face as she watched Dr Genus pour himself a glass of tea, before turning around to get himself a snack. At the same time Armored Gorilla placed Saitama's drink on the counter, who was still furiously looking for his attacker.

'Perfect,' she thought as she quickly switched the drinks with her telekinesis when no one was looking.

"Bah! Whatever," Saitama muttered as he sat back down, taking a sip from his drink.

"Here's your takoyaki," Armored Gorilla said as he placed their meal in front of them.

"Thank you," Saitama said as he began eating. "Mmm, this is pretty good, huh?" he asked.

"Huh? Uh, yeah sure," Tatsumaki nodded even though she had yet to take a bite.

"Ah, this looks good," Genus stated as he unwrapped his snack cake and picked up his glass of hot sauce.

"Sorry, but we need to get going," Tatsumaki quickly said as she picked up the takoyaki and proceeded to bolt out of there as fast as possible.

"Hey, wait!" Saitama called out, before turning back to Genus. "Thanks for the free food," he said with a bow before dashing out of there.

"Sure, anything for you,"

Saitama quickly caught up to Tatsumaki, picking takoyaki out of her hand and ate as they ran. "Sho wat wash dat arr abou'?"

"Nothing, I...just didn't want hair in my food? Anyways, how did you know those two?" she asked, quickly changing the subject. Saitama scratched his cheek in thought for a moment before shrugging.

"No idea, must have saved them or something, since they gave me free food and all-"

"ARMORED GORILLA!" someone shouted from afar, followed promptly by sounds of crashing dishes and screams of pain.

"...What was that all about?"

"Nothing! Let's go!" Tatsumaki cried as she grabbed Saitama's hand and dragged him away. 'If that guy ever finds out I switched his tea with hot sauce, I'll never be able to eat there safely again.'

"...This reminds me of when we first met."

Tatsumaki turned her head towards Saitama, her eyebrow raised in confusion. "How so?"

"Well, remember how when we first met? You and Fubuki were fighting and when you were about to finish it I grabbed your hand and-"

"We met before that, idiot!" she screamed as she threw the takoyaki straight at Saitama's head, who was able to easily dodge it.

"Why did you do that?! Now what are we going to eat?!"

"Whatever," Tatsumaki muttered as she continued leading him by the hand.

"...Wanna get some Udon?"

Tatsumaki pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing in frustration before turning towards Saitama with a glare.

"...Sure."

"Great! ...You're buying."

"Whatever," Tatsumaki muttered as she followed Saitama, refusing to let go of his hand the whole way.


End file.
